I’m afraid that my tears are symbolic of you slowly leaking from my body in the form of emotion that I don’t yet understand.
I’m afraid of finding the answers to questions that have been whispered in the back of my mind. The same questions now echoing so loudly I can’t hear any of my other thoughts.
I’m afraid that my “What if’s” will become “What is” and that I’ll be standing dumbfounded in the middle of nowhere with shards of my heart scattered around my feet.
I’m afraid to renew a trust that was so easily broken by a solid declaration, an unquestionable decision-made in the blink of an eye.
I am afraid that even if I let you love me back to where we once stood, things will be altered, just enough, to make things too unfamiliar to stand.
I’m afraid that the choice to trust love will forever be my greatest mistake.
I’m afraid that trusting love will leave me at the finish line empty handed every time.
I am terrified that love, in and of itself, is a trap to betray myself into believing that love is more important than my own sanity, more important than the wholeness of the heart that love is supposed to call home.
I am afraid that one more shot at love will be straight to my temple, taking me out of this body, away from the world.
I’m afraid that allowing myself to love one more time, will be nothing less than fatal.